


Understandable Penance

by nikmood



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-22
Updated: 2012-02-22
Packaged: 2017-10-31 14:15:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikmood/pseuds/nikmood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander...understands</p>
            </blockquote>





	Understandable Penance

Xander thinks he finally understands.

How Buffy felt during and after the Angelus debacle. How she was able to so easily separate and distinguish between her Angel and the Angelus she helped to create. How she could so readily accept him back into her heart, into her life, even after he tried to end the world.

Xander also understands, just a little, about how deeply despondent Spike must have felt last summer, knowing that he would never again see Buffy, and if by some please who ever's listening let it come true wish of a miracle, she did come back, she would never be the same as before.

Xander understands that Willow is his Angel, his Angelus, his Buffy. She has been his cross to bear since they were three and they bumped heads on the merry-go-round. He loves her without condition, and without reason, and without limits or boundaries. Sometimes it seems that he loves her to both of their detriment, and sometimes it seems like loving her is his last great shot at salvation.

He understands the guilt that Buffy felt when Angel became Angelus. He knows deep down, that he could have stopped Willow, or slowed her down from her downward spiral of darkness. If only he had looked down at her goddamned shirt and seen the blood there, he would have stayed with her. Held her while she cried the tears that no one should ever have to shed. He would have gladly sat and held her, her tiny fists worrying his shirt, for a lifetime. He would have done all this if only he had been more careful. If he had told her more often that he loved her, that throughout everything, she was his sunshine, maybe she wouldn't have felt so alone.

He even understands Willow’s tunnel vision vengeance for Warren. Deep in his heart, he agrees with Dawn. Warren's death was a necessary blessing. Warren destroyed two bright, beautiful things that morning. She's not coming home any more than Tara is, and for that Warren could never repent enough.

Xander understands that you need to offer up penance to receive salvation. He cuts her name in his chest, over his heart, making sure that the scars never fade, that she never again fades from him.

Xander understands.


End file.
